Throwing down with tables.

Here we are. January 3rd. I just said that I didn't feel anything when the clock struck 12:00 and the calendar switched to 2018. Not overwhelming magic. Obviously, someone was listening. In the last 24 hours, I'm been flooded.

When the clock turned 12:00 I was staring at a wall. Now I'm staring at 4 or 5 paths and I'm blowing up God's messenger and screaming, HELP ME! I'm 30. And it's not that I can't make mistakes or I'm incapable of screwing up. I am terrified to be outside of God's will. Why? Ummm I don't want to waste or lose time now. I'm seeing, as I get older, how precious time is. Especially since having Joseph.

I don't know about you but I'm kinda scared of God. I'm scared of what he could do to me if I'm not obedient and in his will. In the last 3 or 4 months, I've been praying for a lot of different avenues for my life. I watch my husband who takes whatever comes his way with faith and obedience. He NEVER lets me see if he's freaking out or scared. I'm so thankful for that because I'm a woman and I'm a wreck. And right now. I'm a wreck.

Before me are choices. Decisions I have to make for myself. I don't want to go down the wrong path and waste 10 years like I did the LAST time. I can't help but think about David. I spent a LOT of time studying him this past summer. David always went to God. He would go boldly and ask God what he wanted for him to do. Then he would do whatever God said.

I was sitting beside the bathtub with Joseph tonight and I wondered if David ever cried out to God and had to wait. I'm sure he did. I'm sure there were times that David was like.... um any day now! I also don't want to be standing on the rooftop of my situation and see the temptation and blindly fall into it. Ain't nobody got time for that.

As the book Radical by David Platt says, throw it all on the table. So tonight I'm PHYSICALLY throwing all my paths on the table and I'm gonna sit there until I get some peace. Because 1 Corinthians 14:33 tells us that God isn't a God of discord or of confusion but he is a God of peace. I shouldn't be going to bed in turmoil. Even if it's just going to bed trusting God that he is going to take care of it. So let's throw down with some tables in 2018. Let's just see what is GOD'S WILL and not our own will.

Night Night yall.