Goals, Gain, and Give.

It's no surprise that it's a new year and we all want to be a "new me." I always used to spend the time making new years resolutions. At the start of the next year I would look back over what God had done through the year along side my resolutions. I loved seeing how God never forgot my requests and prayers. This year I didn't.

I haven't really sat down and looked back over the last year yet. I feel like I had put to much on "New Years Day" this year. I have been going through a lot here lately where I'm completely confused at what God is doing in my life and what direction he is taking me. I'm learning that I just need to trust and not ask questions. It's been terribly hard.

Last night Justin and I spent the time at the church with youth groups from 3 seperate churches. They had a special speaker come in, who was amazing. He preached right through midnight. He was trying to get the teens attention the whole time he spoke. "Dont miss this. Stop being so destracted!" I sat behind the computer and watched the clock switch from 11:59 to 12:00. Nothing. No magical revelation. No weight lifted off. The same stress, the same problems, the same mindset. I was just sitting in the 'sanctuary' and felt let down. The man continued speaking.

He kept yelling at the teens to pay attention. But of course, he wasn't talking to me. I was DOUBLE the age of most of the kids that were in there. To my surprise, Chad Brown blew my mind in a matter of 3 sentances and my mind filled with tears. The comfort and the confirmation was there. Then it all made sense. I rely to much on my own time. My own expectations. Deborah, Deborah, Deborah.

Even though I have been learning a lot about being obedient I still haven't put my trust in Gods timing. Maybe because everything has been collapsing and I haven't been able to keep it together. I haven't spent the time doing what Matthew 11:28 says.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 

I haven't trusted in God's process. I've always tried to hold on tightly to things I couldn't control. You would think I would have learned it by now. So I guess for 2018, I would have to say that my goal is to gain my sanity and give away my control.....