**For the protection of those involved, names and situations have been changed or altered**
I was at work and getting everyone ready for nap time. I finally had everything cleaned up and the kids down when I sat down on the couch to spend some time on my life sucking phone app. Facebook. I scrolled through and found a photo of a friend of mine, Samantha we will call her, who had a baby 6 weeks prior. She had her 'post baby body' photo up. She has been breast feeding, which totally helps drop weight by the way. She was down 25 lbs. As I looked at her photo, I started to envy her accomplishments. I began to get frustrated at my lack of weight loss since having Joseph.
Before I got pregnant I had lost 60 lbs. Lots of hard work. 8 months of dedication to dieting and walking. I started to become angry with myself because I hadn't been able to lose the weight. Of course I hadn't been trying really hard. I started getting angry with God and yelling at Him. Yes, I knew I was being stupid and pointless because I knew EXACTLY what He was going to say.
As I finished up with my pointless rant and rave, I waited for a response...... silence.... Seriously?!?! I'm gonna sit here and fuss at you for a whole 10 minutes and you aren't going to respond. If you know me, that makes things worse for me. I get furious. After huffing and puffing, pointlessly, for another 10 minutes, God spoke. His response was NOT what I expected.
"If you aren't going to do it for yourself, do it for Lauren. You need to be a good example and show her things like Amy did with you."
**Insert sound of Mic dropping on the ground right here.** Of course you have NO idea what that means. So let me explain slightly.
Growing up I had a God sister who would take me shopping and spend time pouring into my life. At the time, it didn't mean much. Now that I'm older, and she has since passed on, I see how important those moments were to me. It wasn't about the stuff she bought me, or the places she took me too. It was about the things she taught me. Fashion, how to dress, how to be a lady, and how to connect with people.
My 'friend' Lauren lacks in that department dramatically. I see her going through the phase I went through as a teenager and I feel that God wants me to pour into her life like Amy did mine. So to further explain. Lauren is on the overweight size for her age. She seems to not care about it, but I know differently. She is currently wearing the same size shirt as me and should probably be in the same size jean. Yet she's not even 16 yet.
I have spent the last 11 months sulking in my weight gain since bringing Joseph into the world. Some people gain a lot during pregnancy and some don't. During my pregnancy. I lost control completely. Between shock and depression, I allowed McDonals cookies and fries drown my diet. I quit walking. I quit watching what I was eating. And gained ALL the weight back plus some.
Even though I have been staying UNDER 300. I'm still ashamed. But it's not for me anymore. It's for Lauren. I'm having to remind myself that their are eyes on me constantly. Even more so NOW than before. I have to be an example for my son and friends. Not just in weight loss, but as a christian. Wherever I go, someone sees me and knows me. They look to see how I react. They look to see how I respond. I have to be a good example. And since God reminded me of my LACK of character, I've had to take a good look at my intentions and make sure I'm in the right.
With that. Remember that there are eyes on you constantly. Remember that we are a light in the darkness. But also remember that we are human and we make mistakes. We have flaws. We are faced with situations that might flip our switch and make us go insane. Don't be to hard on yourself but don't let yourself go either. Be smart. Be of good character.
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