Esault that issue.

The story of Jacob and Esau. One of the popular stories in the bible. I'm learning a lot of things about Jacob that I didn't realize. The name Jacob literally means 'holder of the heel.' When he was born he was grabbing his brothers heal. It's like Jacob was constantly trying to get ahead of his brother. Right down to the point that he deceived his father to get his brothers birthright. He spent a lifetime struggling against his brother and yet never prevailed against him. He subconsciously had problems with.

Jacob was a savvy character. He was able to attack issues almost like a light saber through butter. He could slide through circumstances with ease, BUT not his relationship with Esau. Esau was the ONE THING he couldn't face head on because of the shame that he had. Jacob did Esau dirty. Real dirty. He hid from him for 21 years before he actually came to terms with things and decided to face him. He was 97 years old at the time. No matter what Jacob had; money, land, or herds Jacob always felt bad about his relationship with his brother. He carried his issue.

What is it that YOU are hiding from? There is a hidden issue within you that you haven't dealt with. It's not a behavior it's an issue. Your behavior is your response to the hidden issue. Example. During the start of Justin and I's relationship I had an ex boyfriend that I would still talk to. This upset Justin and he faced me with the circumstance. Here it is 5 years later and I am now finding out why I did that.

My behavior, that had become a habit over 10 years, was due to a hidden issue. Now at 28, I am facing my Esau and fighting falling back on old things. My hidden issue, Acceptance. I could sit here all day and list times in my life where I felt rejection or not accepted and say, that's where it started. But that's not what God is doing. I know that it's a negative character trait within me that I have to deal with.

Because of this character trait, I have become psychotic and paranoid. For ungodly known reasons I have been having the reoccurring dream that Justin is going to leave me for someone else. I'm completely paranoid by every female friend he has, which isn't anything new. At times it's worse than others. Justin can tell you that it's been a bumpy ride. So, this time when it started happening I tried to take inventory of what was going on. Then heard the sermon on Sunday.

You know those sermons that are really hard to watch because they hit really hard? Yeah, that was Sunday. Now I'm trying to face my Esau, just like Jacob. Completely and utterly terrified. Because when you get a layer pulled back it's never easy. God working on you and correcting your character, is hard, but it's worth it.

With that being said, What's your Esau?