I still get jealous

I was going through my memories on facebook and a conversation that my husband and I had came up. 

"That's fine, I'll just type up divorce papers when I get home." -me

"Do you know what the number one cause of divorce is? Marriage." -Justin

This is the type of relationship we have. Playful, joking, and loving. I have an amazing husband. It's rare to be able to look at someone and say, today I want to kill you and don't want you around me and them not get offended or upset. 

Recently, an issue came up. One that I made up in my own head but an issue none the less. My husband works with a lot of people because he works with many different shifts. There is a female he works with that he has a lot in common with and he would return home after work and all I heard was, "oh, and Chasity (name has been changed) this." I was so annoyed and began hating this woman I didn't even know.

How could I feel secure in myself? I just had a baby, I had put on a lot of weight since we had gotten married, I didn't look like this other woman. I didn't look like the woman I thought my husband fell in love with.

Many times in our marriage my husband will compliment other women to me about how beautiful they are. Other women would be outraged. At first, I was. I would always say, oh I'm not!? Thanks for the boost of my self esteem. 

Secret. Self esteem is the esteem of YOURSELF. I tell my husband all the time of he isn't happy and doesn't want to be married to me that he can leave. Men are so different from women. Men don't need to be complimented daily because they are secure in that area (some not all). 

My husband gave me the greatest compliment when we got married. He reminded me that the first time he saw me, he spent 4 months trying to get my number because he thought I was so beautiful. The first night he met me, I was in sweats and a Tshirt, with my hair on top of my head drinking a beer. 

Yes my husband and I still fight and get upset with each other. But we have an understanding that if one of us is unhappy, we will tell the other person. I like to think we have a very open marriage. But it's taken me 5 years to get to the point where I know that my husband loves me without having to hear it 500 times a day. It's taken 5 years to be able to see him look at another woman and hear him say that she was a beautiful woman and me not want to beat her up for being attractive.  

Just like with me blaming all my past relationships on why I am so insecure. It's dumb for me to blame my husband for me being insecure in our marriage.or blaming food for the reason that I'm obese. All of these complaints have one common factor, me. God is working on me from the inside out.

Plus we can't get a divorce and seperate because he needs someone to protect his Reese pieces so they don't get stolen. I don't like them but I'd protect them for him :)