To find out who I am, I have to know who God is. Simple right? God is a father, the creator, the beginning and the end. But I can't be those things. So who is Jesus? What are his characteristics? What was he like? I'm supposed to be a reflection of him. In my mind, to best understand who God is creating ME to be, I should know more about Jesus.
Gold star Deborah. Woot Woot. So I started reading 1 Peter this morning. Why 1 Peter? Because that's what I heard while I was walking the dogs. Something I do know is that God is so random with me sometimes. I didn't start in Matthew. He just says, "Hey go read 1 Peter." I'm thinking so like chapter 1 right? No, the whole thing.
I get to 1 Peter 1:13-16 and I stop. I highlight it. I reread it. And I sigh.
Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. As obedient children, do not conform to the evils desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."
Some people have no problem with this. Some people can drop their smoking, porn addiction, drinking habits, etc instantly. Some people, like myself, struggle with things for YEARS! I find that the longer that I have a sin that controls me, the harder it is to break.
Jonathan McReynolds has this amazing song called Cycles. In it there is a line that blew me away, and still does. "The devil learns from your mistakes even if you don't. That's how he keeps you in Cycles." When we sin, we are told too repent of it. Meaning asking for forgiveness and running in the opposite direction. Not I'm sorry, I'll try to do better. No we're supposed to turn. But if we don't, that sin becomes a habit. That's not living holy. And yeah, it's hard. Because to give up that one thing that we are holding onto makes us have to look at ourselves really hard and see why we feel like we can't give that thing up.
Let's take the example of drinking. Why did you start drinking in the first place? Probably because you were at a party and everyone was doing it. Or it was offered to you somewhere. Once it became a normal thing, and you liked the way it made you feel. Then it became something you did to forget something. Or numb the pain from something. Now I can't say this for certain, I'm just trying to find an example. To overcome the habit/addiction, you have to fix the source of why. Say you started drinking to numb the pain because your parents divorced when you were 17. Dad left with his new girlfriend and mom didn't care anymore about the kids so she ignored you. You felt unimportant. You felt neglected. Used. Undesirable.
But your friends loved who you were when you were drinking. So it became an escape to help you be desired. Loved. Important. Wanted. Now you are grown and all your friends are married, having kids. And you're stuck trying to be that 17 year old who was loved when you drank but all your friends aren't around anymore.
It's not fun pealing back the layers people. It's not fun trying to find the root of repeated offense. But we are called to be better. We are called to be higher than that. And sometimes it takes someone else to help us get over that hill. I'm still working on my layers, so I can't honestly tell you what happens. I know that it's painful, ugly, and downright undesirable.
To get to the answer of who am I, I have to find the root of who I am. What causes me to have unholy like behavior? What am I lacking in my life? What am I trying to cover up? I encourage you to answer those questions at some point in your life. Mainly, what is causing me to be unholy and work backwards from there. Sin causes separation between us and God (Isaiah 59:2). Just take some time today and really reflect on that. I know I am. Even though I really don't want to.
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