Are you there God?

Some days are harder than others, but that's life. This last week I made a decision to take everything one day at a time and make sure everything was distributed evenly. I was only allowed to focus on whatever I needed to for that day. It worked WONDERFULLY! I didn't forget anything and I kept sane. Saturday came and I went on my ride and Justin and I spent the evening working on college work. We relaxed through the evening went to bed. Sunday morning came.

Boom. The cold attacked all areas of my life. I couldn't focus. I couldn't play keyboard. I messed up each note. I couldn't stop shaking. My nose would function. My husband watched all of the color leave my face. He brought me home, we ate and went back to class. Little by little my train was teetering off the tracks. Monday came.

I forgot something! I had to be at work at 8:30, or so I thought. I ran outside to move my moms car and BOOM the battery was dead. I tried to move the car. I had overslept. I had to leave. My mom was still asleep. The teetering was full blown at this point. My mom saved the morning and moved my car because I was completely incapable of functioning in society. I was wrecked. Cried the whole way to work. OVER MY MOM'S CAR!

I ran by McDonalds to get breakfast for Joseph because I can't enjoy food at all when I'm sick. God pushed on my heart to pay for the person behind me. I was furious! Seriously, I'm in the middle of my train derailing and you are asking me to pay for someone else's food?! Who do you think you are?!?! I had listened to the amount and the woman ringing up everything happened to be a manager so I did as I was asked.

God stopped me while I was leaving the parking lot and told me that I was asked to do that because God wanted me to stand up to the opposition and show it whose authority I was under. Which I put up on my facebook page. I stopped at the light and sat there, still trying to keep my train on track. I said, "God, I have been crying out to you for weeks and THIS is how you answer me. I haven't even asked for something like this. I need direction and help and you ask me to pay for someone else's food." SILENCE. I continued, "It's like you don't even hear me nor do you care!" Silence.

With tears streaming down my face I keep driving. I hear, "Look." I glance over to the left, for whatever reason, and see my sign. I have 2 things that God physically uses to show me he's with me. It's not angels. It's not signs placed on the side of the road. One is a rainbow. That's not what I saw today. Today was a hawk with his head bowed down almost in prayer. Or just in pre-attack mode. Either way. I was humbled.

Was I over the derailing of my train. Mercy no. That happened ALL DAY LONG. Even until 4 this evening. But God let me know He was with me. And through the meltdowns and tears and stuffy snotty nose. I knew He was there.

No matter what you are facing or how you feel right now. Remember that God was with David. You have a lot of Psalm you can read where David felt completely distant from God. He begged God to be close to him. And He was. And like He was WITH David, He is WITH YOU! The same God who stood beside a little boy and took down a giant is with you. The same God that shut the door of the ark is with you. The same God that directed the steps of Jesus, is directing you. Some days, that's all we have and it's all we will ever need.