Accountability Partner in Crime

This is a subject I wish that pastors would preach on more. Along with youth pastors. I wasn't taught this until I was in college. Once I sat foot on campus I was told I had to have an accountability partner. Here I am, 19 years old trying to figure out what in the world I was supposed to do with an accountability partner. The subject was foreign to me.

I think it's not talked about because we, the Christian community, are so ashamed of what we struggle with. We keep our sins and problems to ourselves because we are so worried about image and what we look like to other people. I think that’s another reason we don’t see more people at altars. We screw up. Were human. We fail. We don’t want people to know that though. If we were to be honest with ourselves and others we would see a huge transformation in our lives. From what I see, people who are honest about their struggles and their downfalls have the biggest influence. They are transparent in their relationships, marriage, and life.

The problem is we have a hard time looking at someone and saying, "I struggle with the desire to look at porn," as opposed to, "I really want a cigarette or a beer." We are afraid of the judgment that follows, at least I do. I don't want to bare my soul to anyone because I'm ashamed of the way that I am. Even to my husband, the person who I trust the most, I have a hard time telling him my deepest struggles. It took me almost 7 years to open up to my closest friend about what I struggle with. Not because I didn't trust her but because I was afraid of the judgment that might come after.

Steven Furtick preached a sermon called, “The struggle is the same.” He teaches on Philippians 1:27-30. This portion of scripture is a letter from Paul:

27 Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit,[a] striving together as one for the faith of the gospel 28 without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved—and that by God. 29 For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him, 30 since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have.

I recall this sermon most vividly because Steven was on chairs screaming ME TOO! He talks about how we long to be united and joined together by something. Community in a sense. We want to be able to relate to another person. We want to be able to look at someone and say, “Me too,” and not feel shame about what we are saying me too for. If we aren't honest about things we struggle with, then how will we be able to help each other when temptation comes?

Paul talks in that portion of scripture that he wants the people to stand firm in the Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel. What example are we setting to others if we can’t be honest with each other. It says together. Not alone. What does the bible say about having accountability.

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. – Proverbs 27:17

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. – James 5:16

9 Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecc 4:9-12

19 My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, 20 remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.
James 5:19-20





The flip side of this is that you have to find an accountability partner that is going to be able to push you away from your temptation and not towards it. You have to be able to be around someone who is willing to correct you in love and tell you no. Or encourage you to do something else. You want an accountability partner, not a partner in crime. Think about AA for a minute. You are surrounded by people who have a problem with alcohol. You guys keep each other accountable and help each other when they are tempted. If you were in AA and you were trying to get sober, you wouldn't call on someone who continues to fall into the pattern of drinking. You would call upon someone who has a better grasp on fighting the temptation. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

The tongue has the power of life and death,
    and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21

Saying to someone that you have a problem, or confessing the issue to someone, means it loses its power over you. You give yourself life when you kill the sin and bring it to the light. If you keep it hidden, it will eat away at you until you crack. And the bible tells us that it’s not hidden anyway. God knows and eventually it will come to light anyway.

For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. Luke 8:17

One of the hardest things for me to remember is this:

33 Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”[a]
1 Corinthians 15:33

If you wouldn’t want your character to be corrupted, you have to stay away from bad company. That could even mean family members or even friends. That’s really hard for me because I have a lot of people that I care about that still live in the world that I’m called to be separate from. I have some people in my life I can’t be around because they would encourage me to fall into bad habits of my own. I have had to walk away from them and not be friends with them any longer. You really have to think about who you are around and who is in your inner circle. This might mean blocking people’s numbers. It might mean deleting numbers out of your phone. It might mean breaking a friendship that you’ve had all your life. God wants the best for our lives and calls us to be obedient to his direction.

Accountability is key. It helps us in so many areas of our life and it might help someone else as well. We have to be willing to be venerable. We have to be willing to be honest. When will we get back to that place?