I cling to your promise, there will be a dawn.

I've spent years hearing about breakthrough and never truly experienced it. Little leaps. Nothing huge. And here I am, in the middle of probably the most life altering time of our lives. Justin and I have always lived paycheck to paycheck. Over the years we have racked up some debt that wasn't needed. You can't change the past and the decisions that you make. After 5 years of marriage, endless attempts, and giving up. We got pregnant unexpectedly.

For the first time, I'm completely broken about what to hold onto and what to do. It's been so overwhelming that Sunday I freaked out to the point of falling in the floor in a puddle of tears. I couldn't breathe. I have spent sleepless nights in the living room trying to focus on breathing. It's been very hard for me to openly admit defeat because I'm a person who struggles with admitting I need help.

I took Joseph to a park and watched him smile and swing and prove that he had no care in the world. It was hard for me. To swing my son and know that I was completely in turmoil. I made a picture to put on our Facebook for the church I'm working on and didn't think twice about the scripture I put on it. I would put it up if I could. But I can't so let me explain to you what I used.

I used Isaiah 43:19 - See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

I was trying to convince my mind what my Spirit so wanted to believe. Monday morning I was listening to the Sunday night broadcast of #codeorangerevival and Christine Caine spoke that scripture. I stopped dead in my writing and my jaw dropped. I know that God sees what's going on and He knows what we need. Amazingly Joyce Meyers put it in perspective for me last night.

For those of you who don't know, she experienced years and years of sexual abuse. She would pray over and over that God would take her out of that situation and help her. She ask family for help. No one would come to her aid. She could have chose to be bitter and angry with God for not helping her but instead she realized why she was enduring it. She said, God won't always bring you out of the situation because He needs you to learn something to help someone later.

She has mentored Christine Caine who has impacted this world tremendously. How? She created the organization A21. It helps save girls from human trafficking. Tell me that's not a powerful ministry. I know we're going through what we are going through for a reason, despite our helplessness.

And I'm surprised that's he longer I watch the revival, the less my anxiety controls my day. The less depressed I become. The less I have to remind myself to breath. I am sitting feeding Joseph his breakfast and beauty from pain by superchick is playing..... Pretty much sums it all up.