But....... I don't see it that way. And that's because I'm a perfectionist. Everything has to be just a certain way and if it isn't I hyperventilate. I accept that that's the way that I am. I'm learning to try to adjust my mindset but I'm a work in progress. My coach has helped me in a lot of ways but I'm still learning. I'm trying to prioritize things and learn that not everything is going to get done, and that's okay..... even though I would rather not sleep than leave a task incomplete.
Recently, I've been faced with having to accept the hard truth that I, myself, am not perfect. SAY WHAT? Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I get it. That's not a hard concept to actually attribute to because the word tells us that no one is perfect except the Father. As Christians we know this! But do we really know this. Are we really able to allow ourselves to accept grace for ourselves? I know I'm not!
How dare I fall short or make a mistake! There is no way that I, Deborah, do something like that. As I look back over different situations over my life I can see the times I made mistakes where I wasn't able to be forgiven for. Those moments overshadow the times where I was shown forgiveness. Up until recently. I walked around my whole teenage, and up into my adult life, not understanding the forgiveness of the Father until I was shown it by the one who didn't have to show it to me.
When you are in a position where you hold your standard for yourself so high, you are doomed to fall/fail at some point. Basically daily. And you will beat yourself up over and over and over and over and over and over again. You will be in this cycle of endless shaming yourself of how can you do this crap to yourself. How can you allow yourself to be so stupid. Look at you screwing up this again.
You will talk down to yourself constantly, but that's not what the word tells us. You see, I'm finding more and more that the less that I'm in the word the less I am able to see the truth about myself. I'm not reminded about the things that I need to be reminded about. And I'm sure you are the same way too. If we aren't constantly feeding ourselves with the goodness of the word, we aren't going to have the flowing out of us either.
The good news is, YOU AREN'T PERFECT AND THAT'S OKAY.... **shutters in corner..... I'm a work in progress** Those flaws that you see in yourself is where God comes in and HE shines through. That's the goodness of the wonderful work of God. Where you fail, God prevails. Where you are flawed, God shows up. This is why we know we can't do it on our own. We can do nothing on our own, we have to rely on God to help us. BUT until we realize that and really accept that fact, we will continue the cycle of beating ourselves up. Ouch that hurt me a little bit typing that.
I challenge you. Repeat that it's okay to make mistakes. It's not a get out of jail free pass. But we're human, we make mistakes. It's what we do with those moments when we make the mistakes that count. We have to stop seeing mistakes as moments to reticule ourselves but moments to rebuild ourselves. Learn from them, grow from them, and excel from them.
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